Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Yesterday I turned 46. Ugh

So yesterday was my birthday, and like most of my birthdays, this one was another dud. My wife, bless her hearth, tried so hard to make it right, but the famous Caligan curse could not be beaten. She bought me a gift that she thought I would really love, and I did love, but the issue was that I already had what she had given me.

This of course made her upset and she pretty much cried all day because she knows how things are going with me now and wanted so badly to change reality.

Also, hers, and my brother, are the only two gifts I got for my birthday. My brother gave me money to go out which we did not do because the kids had karate. I am sure we will probably try and go out this weekend but who knows. My luck just isn't pushing for us to have any success in that market.

We did get some good news today. My wife was worried about a medical situation with her and it came back today that she is fine. While waiting in the doctor's lobby I made a deal with God. He can take me and I would not put up a fight or argue or be bitter as long as she was OK. My kids need her a lot more then they need me. She is so important to our family. So we will see how that all works out.

The only thing right in this world I ever did was marry Kelly. Everything else I have put my hands on has been a failure. I sure don't deserve the love that she freely gives and I sure don't give her the things that she deserves. It makes me very sad to know that I can't provide for her the things that she desires. I could careless about me but her, and my kids, have to drive around in a van that is all busted up and not safe. They all have to live on top of each other due to our living conditions and we have to live off of government help just get food. It is not a very good thing and I really have no way out of it due to my condition from the war. But hey they are going to give us a total of $587 a month to live off of and folks wonder why I am pissed.

I expect this from an evil government that could careless about the bodies they send off to war but I am beyond let down with God. He was suppose to always be my provider and we don't even have a vehicle that is safe to drive and we drive all the time. I mean me and my dad have doctor's appointments about twice a week and the drive is about an hour away. I don't think it is unreasonable for me to ask God to provide a safe newer vehicle for us. Not to mention I hate depending on the government for anything. They are horrible and could careless about any of us.

Maybe I am having a mid-life crisis. I don't know. I don't see away out of this situation and I sure don't see anything good coming our way. So happy 46th birthday to me. Ya (sarcasm).

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