Thursday, August 23, 2012

Restless

Well, I am finally getting over some type of flu or cold nonsense. It hit me last Friday pretty bad and hasn't really let up much until today. I hate having a stopped up or running nose. The art is still at a stand still. Getting sick did not help that at all. My motivation has just went straight down hill. It isn't that I don't have work because I have a couple projects plus my own books that are going to be published through Hound comics but I just haven't had the motivation to do any of it. The failed Kickstarter campaign really hit me hard and I have yet to recover. I know most folks will not really understand why the Kickstarter thing affected me so much but it has more to do with just about everything in my life and failed goals. I have never really stood out in most things I have done. For the most part I was always good at a lot of things but never great at any one thing. This was always a frustration to me. I failed in the militarty because I just could not take orders, which has a lot to do with the way I was raised and the fact I did not have either parent there and I pretty much raised myself from 12 on. I failed in my first marriage and now my kids are going through the same hell I went through. I failed as a preacher because of my first marriage failing and now I have failed with the comic book launch. It gets old. Sometimes you just need a win to get you over the hill. I am 41 and really don't see that I have made much of the time that God has given me. The world would be no more or less effected if I was here or not. It is funny; when you are young you think you are going to grab the world by the horns and make it bend to you but then as you get older and the horns have punctured you a couple of times; you realize that you did not have big enough hands to hold the horns. Hopefully, something will change with me shortly. Either I can get a spark to draw or I can find another career but I need something for my sanity and the well being of my family.

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