Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Motivation is on vacation. UGH.

It has really been crazy the last couple of weeks. Between the failed Kickstarter campaign, and my newborn son, my ability and desire to draw has just vanished. I don't really know what the freak is up with that at all. It isn't that I don't have work to do. I have two 11 page stories that I have to illustrate and two of my own books to script and get ready for print. I've went through droughts before because that is part of being an artist but this one is different. For the first time in a long time I am considering other vocations. It even crossed my mind to go back to college and get my masters in criminal psycology or criminal behavior. Maybe return to doing criminal investigations like I did in the military. I don't know if it would be that bad a thing to become a private investigator or do personal security. I have the connections to do it but I just don't know. This is evne the first time I have even acknowledged that it is a possible way to go. I am just tired of fighting an endless battle with nonsense. The comic industry is pretty full of it. Political bullcrap that I have never been good at because I am not one to hide my convictions. This of course doesn't sit to well with those that only want to be surrounded by yes men and heaven forbid you aren't a liberal because that in itself is a death mark. Also, it doesn't help that my art is subpar and I am not sure that I have the motivation to keep trying to improve. It is just hard for me to justify the work. If I could see a pay off then maybe but I don't think there would be much of one in comics. Another isssue is that I always seem to run into folks that have screwed me in the past and somehow I am suppose to just sweep that stuff under the rug and still work with them. This is just stupid to me. Why would you work with folks that you know are going to screw you due to them already screwing you once before? There is no common sense involved in that train of thought. I thought about making a list and seeing the pro and cons of doing art and comics but really I don't know if I could come up with any pros. The worse part is that I just don't have any enjoyment in it at all. I know this could be just me going through a rut but it feels different then my other ruts I have fought through. Just don't know. Sorry no art with this post. I haven't really drawn as I stated above.

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