Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Well, it has been a crazy year already. My computer crashed not once but twice and right now I am working on a computer with a bad video card and I can't half see what I am writing. LOL So if there are any mispelled words I will blame it on the big pink and purple line going down my screen.
I really have been thinking alot about my art and its purpose. A buddy of mine from college,who I have not talked to in about three to four years, called me about two and half weeks ago to touch base with me. We were actually really good friends in college and I hate that we lost contact but, anyway, he called and told me that he is living in LA now and working as a lighter for Dreamworks animation. He just finished up working on Kung fu panda and was not sure if Shrek 4 was going to be his next project or another movie called "How to train your dragon." I am very happy for my buddy, Chris. He is a very talented dude and works hard to be the best he can be. Of course, Chris asked me to move on out to LA because there are a ton of jobs for illustrators, and I would love to do it, but my wife is dead set against moving. Which really sucks because I am burned out in my 9 to 5 and don't know how much longer I can continue to work with kids.
Now, after me and Chris talked a funny thing happened to me. I got really depressed about myself and my art. You see most of my life I have always been the guy "who knows the guy" and I think it has finally gotten to me. When I first started to draw comics I was lucky enough to be part of Tsunami Studios with talents like Randy Green, Rick Ketcham, Koi Turnbull, Steve Bird and John "Waki" Wycough and even though I learned a lot from everyone there my skills were very bad to say the least, so I was never looked at as the tag along who had no skills. At one point I was told by a studio member that "I should stop trying to pencil and just be a writer." At the time I was a writer with some skills but my heart belonged to drawing. For the most part after I left the studio I remained friends with some of the guys but not like it was and it seemed I would always remain in the shadows of guys like Randy and Rick.
Well, three to four years later I finally get published and people are actually paying me to draw, which is still a little crazy to me, but I still feel as though I am still in others shadows. Always to be the one who almost reached success. When Chris talked to me and told me of his success it just triggerd those same feelings of not being good enough and I really have not recoverd from it.
I know God can do anything with my life but I am not sure what He wants to do with it. My art really has suffered in the last couple of weeks. Nothing I draw seems to come out right and I can't seem to work through it. UGH. I needed to vent.